My new 'home'

I don't really know what to do now I'm back. When I think about it in Park Wood I don't do that much either, but because you're in a different place little things all of a sudden seems so special. I have to say I miss doing the washing up while looking out the kitchen window. Here I can do the dishes, but there's now window. Also, it's like we're here on our own. Just me, my day, my mum, and my brother. We have neighbours, but we don't really know them. We have friends of the family and friends living in the same city, but we don't regularly see them. In Park Wood I'm surrounded by a lot of people, many of which I know. And even if I don't know them, there's always that vibe of everyone being open for new friendships and a nice little chat. Also, every day there are people coming in to my house. Friends of my housemates etc. So in comparison, everyhting here is different. I can watch TV, but I don't wnat to and I don't feel like watching. There's nothing for me to see on there. And even if I go and watch something like a TV series, why should I, in two weeks I will be gone again. I guess I kind of lost interest in it as well, which of course is better. I now have time to do many other things, like read and stuff. But I do have the feleing of not knowing what to do, which is because there's nothing I really came back for. We have Christmas on Tuesday and other things to come, but right now, I just came back to do what? I guess, just go back to the way my life once was and I have to say that i don't feel like getting used to anything. I arrived and immediately everything is like it was before I left. And Canterbury, it seems like a dream, unreal. I'm confused of where I am. I'm not really aware I left. I don't really realize i've gone away. I don't like that feeling. I want to be aware of things like that. I want to have the feeling I know i'm not in Park Wood, the feeling of ully realizing I came back to Haarlem. Yesterday I didn't do much, expect for going to see My Blueberry Nights at my local cinema, 'De Filmschuur'. But apart from that, I was just at home. Today I went into town with my brother and my mother, which was nice. I wa sglad to leave the house, 'cause I don't want to stay in all day. If I do than I could have better stayed in Canterbury, 'cause there I do go out and stuff. We at least try to make every day interesting by meeting up and arranging dinners or lunch, just to be in good company as much as possible. I forgot about all the annoying teenagers. Those kids who think they're these tough guys and those girls who thing they look hot. It sometimes seems that's all that matters to them. Getting the other's attention. Of course it was crowded because of Christmas. Tomorrow the shops are also still open, so the people who have to buy some last minute groceries or presents, they still can. I watched my brother shop, which always makes me feel so weird. He just buys things, looks if they're nice and when they are buys them. The price is not so much a thing to worry about. He got the money. I got the money too, but I won't ever buy something with a pricetag on it of 100 euros. At least not before having put a lot of thought in it. So it's always kind of funny to me and a bit unfair maybe. He just spends his money, buying things, while I question if something is really worth buying. And most of the time I do choose for the cheapest option and only some times say to myself, you can buy something more expensive, you deserve it today. But i would not buy a sweater of 100 euros, with that much I can buy ten of them or maybe even more when you know where to shop. In a couple of minutes we're going into town to have dinner as a family. I guess to some people eating out isn't something that special, but to me it is. Everytime. And especially with the four of us as a family, we never do that and the last time we did was already a long time ago. Most of the time it wa sbecause my brother didn't really like to eat out, but I guess he does nowadays, as he often goes out to have dinner with friends. But with the four of us, it's a different thing. But i'm just like a little kid you know, like a little kid on Christmas day ;), being all WOW! We're going to have dinner together, how cool and exciting. To me it's really something special, so i'm glad we're going. I forgot the cable to connect my camera to my laptop, so I'm sorry, but no pictures that I made. I thought I brought everything I wanted to bring with me, but apparently I did forget about something. So yeah i do kind of miss Park Wood. Sometimes I almost feel like speaking in English. I won't be surprised when in a shop i'll answer with 'thank you' when i'm at the counter. I also notice I keep referring to Park Wood as my 'home'. I guess that's what it really is right now, 'cause it really is my own little place. My own spot in the universe. When I come back i have to clean, 'cause I left it all messy, because I woke up at 9 the day i left. So i didn't have time to clean up a bit. But it's good I miss Park Wood, because the weeks before, when the day i would leave got closer and closer, I started to miss my home here in Haarlem more and I even started to question if I would still want to go back to Canterbury. But the last couple of days, before going to London etc. that feleing became less and now being back I start to miss my life in the UK, so I'm not afraid anymore I will feel bad to leave Haarlem again, 'cause I don't think I will. Life is good in Park Wood. It's where my life is right now, doing my laundry, grocery shopping, going to my lectures, meeting up with friends. That's my life right there. I guess it really has changed. Anyway, everyone enjoy your dayd off and the upcoming days of celebrating Christmas and the new year!