So I'm not through to the next round of the audition. Both me and Clement apparently weren't good enough. But it's their loss not ours. The audition was at 8.45, so pretty late in the evening. We had to do a scene in pars of two, one boy, one girl. I thought the audition went alright, but it was kind of hard because my co-actress kept looking at her paper, so we couldn't really interact. But for me it's always difficult because I'm always confronted with the same things. It can be really frustrating. Because in your head you imagine it differently, and when it doesn't come out the way you imagined it, it's really annoying, because you know you can do it, really do it like you want it to, but it doesn't happen. You're stuck at the same point everytime. It can be so difficult
to really let go. I love to act, but at the same time it's the most frustrating thing. I'm not sure if I can ever be satisfied with myself. You always try to do better and feel you can do better. It's pretty tough. But as I was doing the audition all these memories came back to me. Like at the end of our scene our 'director' asked us to do some improvisation. We had to do a little scene. So she first explained to me the situation, which was way too broad, she wanted too many things at the same time. But as she was speaking to me, I started thinking about me again, and started to wonder if they could see I was really concentrated and that the words that she was speaking were getting through to me or did they think I didn't get it, because I know when someone explains somethign to me I can just look in that person's eyes without giving any real reaction. But that always happens to me. After a while I'm starting to think about the way they perceive me in that particular moment. It's really not cool, but I can't help it. But that's why the second round is always the better one, because you feel more at ease and more confident, because apparently they saw something in you that made them decide to ask you to come back.
But both in my case as well in Clement's they didn't want us back. So we can just move on to other things, like for example, making our own movie with the Kent Film Society. But the audition was late in the evening, so what did I do the rest of my day? Well, just the usual stuff. We had our Documentary Film seminar at 2 pm. Before that I went to the library to read. We wanted to meet our co-ordinator, Tamar, to sign our Learning Agreements and as I was looking at Alice's one, I realized I didn't have mine with me so i had to walk all the way back to Grimshill. And altogether it took me about 40 minutes, before I coudl read my texts in the library. The seminar was not so good. Elizabeth, our professor, just doesn't really interest you for the things she is saying. Her presentation lacks energy. She obviously knows a lot, but she keeps coming back to the same things and we spend way too much time analyzing the documentary Housing Problems. When the seminar was over I went back home. I lied on my bed for a while and then made some rice, with carrots, green pepper/paprika, and a vegetarian egg role, which
I bought at Tesco's and put in the microwave. Then around 15 past 8 i went to Eliot college to meet Clement. We sat outside for a while before we went in, because there was still enought time. And then we had the audition, which in my case went alright, but wasn't good enough. But i felt I didn't really get the chance to really show my range. And it would have been nice if our 'director' would have came with some intsructions, like saying, can you do this again, but now more like this or that? because that's what you most of the time hear when you're doing an audition. Right now I'm going to take a shower and brush my teeth and then head to the library or maybe if Alice is going to run, I will go with her. But so far i haven't heard anything from her yet.
to really let go. I love to act, but at the same time it's the most frustrating thing. I'm not sure if I can ever be satisfied with myself. You always try to do better and feel you can do better. It's pretty tough. But as I was doing the audition all these memories came back to me. Like at the end of our scene our 'director' asked us to do some improvisation. We had to do a little scene. So she first explained to me the situation, which was way too broad, she wanted too many things at the same time. But as she was speaking to me, I started thinking about me again, and started to wonder if they could see I was really concentrated and that the words that she was speaking were getting through to me or did they think I didn't get it, because I know when someone explains somethign to me I can just look in that person's eyes without giving any real reaction. But that always happens to me. After a while I'm starting to think about the way they perceive me in that particular moment. It's really not cool, but I can't help it. But that's why the second round is always the better one, because you feel more at ease and more confident, because apparently they saw something in you that made them decide to ask you to come back. 
But both in my case as well in Clement's they didn't want us back. So we can just move on to other things, like for example, making our own movie with the Kent Film Society. But the audition was late in the evening, so what did I do the rest of my day? Well, just the usual stuff. We had our Documentary Film seminar at 2 pm. Before that I went to the library to read. We wanted to meet our co-ordinator, Tamar, to sign our Learning Agreements and as I was looking at Alice's one, I realized I didn't have mine with me so i had to walk all the way back to Grimshill. And altogether it took me about 40 minutes, before I coudl read my texts in the library. The seminar was not so good. Elizabeth, our professor, just doesn't really interest you for the things she is saying. Her presentation lacks energy. She obviously knows a lot, but she keeps coming back to the same things and we spend way too much time analyzing the documentary Housing Problems. When the seminar was over I went back home. I lied on my bed for a while and then made some rice, with carrots, green pepper/paprika, and a vegetarian egg role, which
I bought at Tesco's and put in the microwave. Then around 15 past 8 i went to Eliot college to meet Clement. We sat outside for a while before we went in, because there was still enought time. And then we had the audition, which in my case went alright, but wasn't good enough. But i felt I didn't really get the chance to really show my range. And it would have been nice if our 'director' would have came with some intsructions, like saying, can you do this again, but now more like this or that? because that's what you most of the time hear when you're doing an audition. Right now I'm going to take a shower and brush my teeth and then head to the library or maybe if Alice is going to run, I will go with her. But so far i haven't heard anything from her yet.
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